When I Pee -- A Poem

When I Pee

When I Pee
I sit down
It is a sacrifice I make for the females in my home

I can't always sit down
Convenience, you know
And pride, of course.

When I stand up
I very precisely hit the edge of the bowl where the water meets the porcelain
and the stream slips in just at the edge
so there is almost no sound

I pee elegantly

Not like one of those men who crush the water
and the house rumbles

My son rumbles.

In the morning he clomps into the hall
rubs his eyes awake
slams the bathroom door
and rumbles.

I told him to sit down or clean the toilet.
He does neither

Me civilized admonishes him
Me hooting primate, though, HOOT HOOT!
Fire up that testosterone and rumble while you can son.

Rumble while you can.